Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Children, My Musical Marriage Refs

This weekend we had a marriage breakthrough.  It was years in the making, deeply profound, and so utterly satisfying (for me) that it needs to be documented.

It all started with yet another concert.  This time it was "Space:  The Final Frontier" with the Capital Philharmonic Orchestra.  When Alex saw the music for this concert a couple weeks ago, he was pretty excited.  He kept grinning as he looked through the Star Trek and Star Wars pieces.  He sheepishly said, "I remember when I was a little kid and I saw Star Wars for the first time, I really wanted to be in the Star Wars band."  (Back then he thought there was one band that was responsible for all that music, and dreamed of being in it someday!  How cute is that?!)  So Saturday he got to live out a little dream, playing in a "band" he long ago aspired to! 

The first part of the concert was amazing:  the group Quattrocelli performed, and was an incredible blend of fabulous music and great comedy.  They were here from Germany, and I loved every note they played.  Don't pass up an opportunity to hear them, they make beautiful music.

The real magic of the evening happened after the concert.  We end each of these concerts by going out to dessert.  Alex's dessert is sometimes a burger, fries, and ice cream...but most of us just dessert.  So as we are walking to the car, someone asked where we should have dessert.  Because it was getting so late, I said, "How about Applebees, right across the street?"  Brad nodded his head and said, "Okay".

Flash forward maybe 2.21 minutes, and we are pulling out of the parking lot.  Brad blows right by Applebees.  "Where are you going?"

His response?  "I don't know.  Where do you want to go?"

So I told him that we just had this conversation and that we were going to Applebees.  "No, you didn't say anything about Applebees."  Ugh.  My blood pressure begins to rise just retelling this story.  So then we go back and forth with the "I said this, then you said this."  "No, you never said anything about Applebees."  Annoying doesn't even touch the surface of my feelings about this type of conversation.

And we have them frequently.  He swears I never said anything about...whatever...and I assure him I told him and that he responded.  And then he gets frustrated with me because I remind him of things and he feels checked-up on.  And I feel a little distrustful of his follow-through, yet resent having to ask the follow-up questions.  And around and around we go, me feeling more crazy with every passing "you never said that" conversation.

So we pull into the parking lot of Applebees, still discussing the phantom conversation that he doesn't remember.  From the backseat, Alex pipes in, "Actually, Dad, you did respond to her when she suggested that.  She said (_____) and then you said (______)."

"I did??"

Brenna:  "Yes, I heard you, Daddy."

Beth:  "Yep, I heard it!"

And with that, a chorus of angels began to sing above my head!  FINALLY I had witnesses that I said something to which he responded of which he had absolutely no memory!  I cannot tell you the relief I felt.  And Brad had a great realization that maybe I wasn't crazy after all.  At least not in that way.

It's a good thing that I love this man so dearly.

I love you, Brad.  I said, I love you, Brad...

And it's a good thing we have these three musical marriage refs to keep us in-line.


  1. love this! It usually isn't just husband who makes me to feel like, "I am CRAZY!" It so many times is the kids. I will say, "I told you whatever!" And they will sware I never told them whatever. Until FINALLY like you said, I have a witness to it or I wrote it down for accountability because I KNOW I SAID IT! I am telling myself, I know I am not senile yet, yet they keep trying to make me look like I am! Im with ya girl, with ya on this one.

  2. Is it a guy thing? Ben and I have these phantom conversations all the time! What a relief it's not just me! =0)