(As a side note: I began writing this post 20 minutes ago, and that's as far as I got. I was interrupted by 6 oz. of grape juice spilling all over the table and dining room floor. This is one of the reasons I do not give my kids juice. The mess potential is just too high. We are in a 2-week period of exception due to one child's temporary special need that I won't go into here to protect her "dignity." But let me just say this: she's by far my messiest child. Putting grape juice in her hands puts my mop on high alert. So, happy "teacher in service day" to my mop.) Now back to where I began...
Where were we? Oh, yes, the summer of 1998. Alex was 3 years old, and I see now was more brilliant than we even realized! I believe he may have been really ahead of his time. In 1998, if what I'm about to refer to was being used, it certainly wasn't as prevalent as it is now. Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. But there is this very tragic trend going on with some "celebrities" of our time. Have you noticed? It involves their lips. And it is truly tragic. I don't even know what they are having injected into their lips, but it gives that "I've been stung by a bee and need an epi-pen" look that is so painful to look at. Have you seen them try to form words? UH! Painful! They need an honest friend in their life. You know, one who will have the confidence to tell them they look awful. I can't understand why they think it's a better look.
But there is something in our family line that is drawn to that. My mom would check herself out in the reflection of the window by our front door when she was coming and going, use one hand to "poof, poof" (always twice) her hair, and at the same time pucker her lips out to be more poofy. So, he came by it honestly, but here is Alex at 3, finding an at-home method to increasing the volume of his lips..
(Another interruption...this time my most accident-prone child went running through the kitchen, into the dining room, forgetting the floor had just been mopped, and took a big spill. So a brief pause to hug and comfort and remind her that the floor is wet...I'm taking a deep breath and continuing now.)
Now, for the at-home method to increase one's lip volume...
Yes, it's the vacuum cleaner attachment. Yes, the vacuum was turned on. Yes, he came up with this all on his own. Why? I don't know. Because he was 3 years old, a boy, and he was simply acting his age. And, yes, the result was very temporary and his lip returned to normal shape and size.
So, there you have it. If you have been longing to have lips that are unnaturally plumped, the fulfillment of that is as close as your vacuum cleaner.
Alex, you are brilliant! We could sell little tiny vacume cleaners with tube that would match the shape of someones mouth that will make your lips plumper. Brilliant! We will all be millionares!
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