Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. My head is so full of them.
I have been slowly burning out these last couple weeks. Just getting a bit worn out from "doing it again". Shuttling kids, hosting kids, coaching kids, cooking for kids, shopping for kids (well, things for kids, not buying kids), staying up late for kids, waking up early because of kids, and another day starts and I'm doing it again. And the thing is, I love all the things I'm doing. I love being a mom. I love my kids' friends. I love cooking. But the monotony of "doing it again" was wearing me thin. I wish that were literally true...let's be clear: it was wearing my energy thin. My waist size remains painfully the same.
Then Brad and I entered the discussion of what we were going to do for our anniversary. And, oh, how I would love to get away with him and just be a couple. But we looked at another child heading into braces, back-to-school expenses, life, and realized we would have to do something very simple. That's fine. But then we looked at the calendar, and began to realize that time is working against us. The most precious products of our marriage are the very thing that is standing in the way of us going away and celebrating a lot of years of marriage. And I love their busyness. I love their full lives and the joy they have in it. Our weekends are filled to the brim until November. So we'll probably take a late get-away, and that's okay. But between the time of talking about it and me being okay with it, I found my mind wandering to all the things I wish we could do. I day dreamed about being on a quiet beach far, far away. About sleeping until I felt rested. About eating food that other people prepared. About not doing laundry. About not cleaning the kitchen 43 times a day. And the more I day-dreamed, the more disgruntled I became about the busyness of this season. I just let my attitude wear me out even more than my physical schedule. And then Brad's work schedule kicked into ultra-craziness. With the one act of a server going out, his week turned into demanding more of him than one person should give. He worked a 26-hour day...straight through, slept a couple hours and got up and did it again. So then that added to my bad attitude, because I just missed my man.
Then a simple question from a friend: "Have you and Brad decided on a get-away?"
And with that simple question, the floodgate of my frustration was opened. I told her exactly how I was feeling about that. About how frustrated I was with the lack of time, the "too busy". I can't stand the "busy" that people find themselves in. And now I'm one of them.
She was sweetly encouraging, and asked if I had read this post by the beautiful Melissa Moore-Fitzpatrick.
I had seen it, scanned it, and had not read it. Why? Because I was "too busy" and it looked like something that required close reading. So I went back and read it. And I had tears flowing. It is right where I've been. It so sweetly, so articulately describes the "doing it again" in a way I will never forget. Being present. Doing it again. You need to read it. Even if this isn't right where you are, I'm sure there are words in there that will touch you.
Now I'm saying that to myself many times throughout the day. "Thank you, Lord, that I get to do this again."
And my attitude? It's much better. Still too busy. Still would love to get away with Brad. But knowing that time will come. And for now, I'm just going to do it again. And be thankful that I can.