Monday, January 13, 2014

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmmm...

I have had a couple months, well much longer for some subjects, of things making me go "Hmmmm..."  Things that I have chased in circles in my mind, trying to figure out.  Some of those things I have given up and let go.  

Relationships I have accepted as over.  Undeservingly over, but over nonetheless.  I would love to know the whys.  I would love to know how it's possible for some people to be so dismissive, so rejecting, so cruel, so...whatever it is.  I look back and see the signs for many years, many years.  And yet I never knew it could possibly lead to nothingness.  I've silently overlooked things, purposefully let things go.  But now it's un-ignorable, if that's even a word.  I don't know.  Cruelty is never deserved.   I've gone through lots of stages, some longer than others.  Anger came and went and came again.  And then left hopefully for good. And that was replaced by a profound sadness, grief like a death.  And then I grew angry that I felt sad. And then I just let it go.  And now I am peaceful.  I will not chase.  I will not hang a bullseye around my neck and just overlook darts that are thrown.  I'll just let it go.  It's way more peaceful than I imagined.  I do wish I could lay it all out, and I have in more private ways, but I'm not going to say anymore about that.  But oh-boy does it make me go "Hmmm....".  (and it's their loss, by the way)

Still chasing in my mind, still making me go "Hmmmm...":

*Beth is sick again.  Again.  A girl that rarely gets even a small cold, and now down with a very similar thing that she had in December.  Fever not as high, only in the upper 102 range, but all the other junk came back.  Hmmm.

*Alex was home for almost 4 weeks.  And it was just so comfortable.  Yet it was gone in like 12 hours. I dropped that boy off at the airport, watched him go off and stand in the security line and then just walked away.  Well, not true.  I stood there for many minutes with tears pouring down my cheeks.  Then walked away and started the ugly cry for quite some time.  Oh, I miss him in this house.  It's quite the adjustment.  And I'm so happy for him, I really am.  I prayed all his life that he would dream big dreams and have the courage to chase them.  And this prayer coming to fruition means I send him across the country.  Hmmm.

*Downton Abbey.  Hmmm.  Hmmm.  Hmmm.  Anna?  Oh, bless her.  I see a pregnancy coming, an enraged husband perhaps?  Lady Mary?  A new romance on the horizon?  Lady Sybil?  Torn between love and scandal.  Hmmm.

*Scandal.  Hmmm.  Will the pregnancy be written into the show?  Will Huck heal or be more broken?  Olivia's mom....we saw a teaser of her standing in front of the White House.  NOW what????  Is Daddy a good guy that has done terrible things to protect Olivia?  Or is he a bad guy that has done terrible things to protect his daughter??  Hmmm.

*Nordstrom Rack.  Will we ever get one in our area??

*Seahawks.  Can they find a way to pull it all together Sunday and beat the 49ers one more time?  I know Russell Wilson says he has no time to sleep because there is so much to prepare, but is there someone in his life telling him that he needs sleep as part of his preparation?  That he'll be stronger and sharper if he lets his body and mind recover during sleep?  Is Pete Carroll stocked up on his Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum?  He may need some extra wads of gum for this game.  Will my special friend Ricardo get any dynamic catches this game??  Hmmm.

*And so much more.  So. Much. More.  But that's enough swirling thoughts for tonight.

Just for fun: here's a picture of some fun:

After leaving the airport, we did a little retail therapy.  I bought these pajamas with CUPCAKES all over them.  They would only be more perfect if those cupcakes were chocolate chip cookies.  They shall now be known as "my therapy pajamas".  They are bliss.


  1. hmmmm......these are usually things we think about but don't really say them, I am glad you did. Beth is sick? Alex leaving, and I sit here in all my selfishness and think, "hmmmm.....when are we going to get a date?" Miss you.

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